I am burnt out… and what I did about it
Most of 2020 and 2021, I was focused on one thing: distracting myself from my depression and anxiety. Yes, I accomplished and worked on many other things, but, looking back on it, that was my main focus. I was so severely depressed and anxious that I felt like I was barely functioning, and distracting myself from that (not healing myself, not being healthy… that all felt too hard. But actually distracting myself) was the thing I did the most.
But something happened in early January of 2022. I woke up one day feeling…lighter. And it was for no logical reason. I was having a hard time with a new health diagnosis and some other personal issues. But one day, I woke up with peace. Peace like I haven’t felt in years. And no, I didn’t do anything to have “deserved” this peace, meaning I didn’t start a new medication or read a new self-help book or have a new revelation. My mind just completely shifted on its own. I kind of compare it to a mental reset, like my brain had a reset button and someone hit it while I was asleep. I think God took the pain away from me. My anxiety and depression have drastically decreased. It felt SO, so nice when it first happened. And I still feel a lot of that peace today. I am beyond grateful, and I almost feel like I have a second chance at life. I don’t know how long this will last, but I want to do what I can to utilize it and keep it around as long as possible.
But, since I started to feel mentally healthier, I decided to change my circumstances. And I changed a LOT at once. I started several new creative projects and started working 10-12 hour days. And at first, I was doing great! I loved the long work days and being productive, and was excited about the shift in my brain and work schedule! But, after about a month or so, I felt exhausted. I am still able to work these long days, but I feel really worn out and like I need a change.
A lot of you guys know that I recently got diagnosed with an esophagus autoimmune disorder, so that, on top of 12-hour INTENSE work days for a month/six weeks, my body started to shut down. I truly thought that I had everything planned correctly. I truly thought that this was a path I could sustain.
But I was wrong. And it’s okay to be wrong. It just matters what you do about it.
I still want to be productive and I still want to work on all of my new projects (my blog, Cameo, more detailed videos, working with brands, posting more pictures and reels on IG, and three secret projects that you’ll find out about soon), but the way I was doing it was too much, and I am hitting my limit.
Instead of pushing yourself so hard that you burst after a month, it is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT to find a schedule that works for you that is sustainable and will last a long time. It’s better to be slow and steady and keep going consistently and long-term than it is to go fast and hard but crash and burn. There NEEDS to be a balance. So here is the balance that I decided to try, and then I’ll reevaluate in another month or two to see if it works.
PS. Everyone goes through these periods in life, at some point. And, if you never ever do or never ever have, it might be because you’re not pushing yourself enough, because you’re consistently in your comfort zone, or because you aren’t trying anything new. If you have gone through one or two but don’t anymore, that could mean you stopped pushing yourself, OR it could mean that you figured out a healthy way to push yourself so that you don’t burn out. And that is amazing. But, I do want to encourage you TO push yourself. Just make sure you plan how to do it properly for YOU. That process can take a while to figure out, and might take some trial and error. My first “trial” was good, but not great. So I am going to tweak a few things and see if it’s more sustainable.
PPS. Everyone is different. This might not be a struggle for you at this time, or you might think that this all sounds silly. But this is something that I am dealing with, and I wanted to share this journey with you.
So here are a few of the things I am going to change. I am being VERY specific here because I want to share my thought process with you. I also want to give you ideas, if you happen to be in a similar phase as I am. My day-to-day might not even look much different on the outside, but I am hoping that these shifts help me sustain my “New Katie mindset” better.
I am going to cut down my blog posts from two per week, to one per week. If this is sustainable for me, then I might increase it back to two per week in the future.
I’m going to batch more of my content. I have been doing this already, but I need to do it more, and more specifically. Batching content means creating content for the next week/month all at once. For example, I can film all of my reels for the month in two separate days. Or film three YouTube videos in one day. Or spend one day a week writing the month’s blog posts. While this might seem like a lot to do at once, having this content filmed/written early will relieve some stress and help me not feel as rushed about certain projects. And doing all of it at once is easier because you’re already focused on that specific task at hand.
Similar to the last one, I am going to have certain days for certain things. Most of my recent days have been “record a video, edit a video, write, post on IG, etc.” And I think that made my brain jump around too much, and I felt scattered. Instead, I am going to have more blocked out days. One day for writing captions and blogs. One day for editing videos. One day for recording, for example. I still might do two or three “separate” things per day, but I want them to be more related and more blocked off, so that my brain still feels focused and I don’t feel so scattered.
This one is going to be the most difficult for me… I want to force myself to stop working by 8pm. No more emails, no more editing, no more writing (unless I have a deadline with a brand that needs immediate attention, but that will be very, very rare). I might still have some 12-hour work days, which is fine for me, but I want to stop working several hours before I fall asleep. Since early January, I would usually work until I fell asleep. And I LOVED it! I was so excited to be productive and get more work done. But I think it will be better for my mental and physical health if I read, watch tv, tidy up, talk to friends, or do anything to calm my brain for a couple of hours before sleep.
Speaking of, I still like working long hours, but again, being burnt out means that I need to cut them back a little bit, and include things that I enjoy and things that are healthy for me. So, while some days still might be 12-hour work days, I am going to see if I can make most of my days a little shorter than that. I also want to take a couple of breaks during the day and not look at my phone or computer for a little while (unless I’m watching a class or sermon or something). I also want to find some hobbies that are not work related, and do those sometimes during the day and before I go to sleep. Proper rest isn’t just about reading a book or watching tv, it’s having the correct “restful mindset” and allowing yourself to enjoy the calm. Make it a choice and do it with intention.
I NEED to give myself grace. A lot of “burn out” comes from pushing ourselves to a limit that wasn’t realistic for us. And, you know me, I believe that almost ANYTHING is possible. However, there are realistic ways to get to a lofty goal, and proper steps to take. Again, with certain goals, if you just go from zero to 100 in 60 seconds, it can simply be too much and your brain might end up fighting against it. However, if you ease into it a little bit (I’m not saying ease in to it for ten years, but just…more than 60 seconds), then it is much more likely that you will be able to sustain it. I am a very “if I want to do something, I want to do it NOW and FULLY,” but I need to give myself more grace that certain things logically do take time, and that it’s okay to slow down just a little bit. Again, I am not talking about being lazy or making excuses. I am talking about finding something that is truly sustainable, while I’m also pushing myself in a healthy way. It’s literally difficult for me to even make this decision to “slow down a little bit” because it makes me feel lazy and like I’m not doing things right. I know I’ve only been pushing myself for a little over a month, but I got very used to this “routine” and so changing it is going to be difficult. But I have to remind myself that I’m changing my schedule for my health and for sustainability of my goals long-term. I am still going to push myself and get everything done, but I’m just going to push myself a little bit less than I was, and find a healthier balance. And I need to remind myself that, if I find a way that is sustainable long-term, I will reach my goals even quicker because I won’t get burnt out and exhausted all the time.
I’m still so excited about my projects and about everything I’ve been doing, and I am so grateful that my depression and anxiety have lessened lately so that I have been able to push myself more and be more productive. But, especially with my illness, I have realized that it is not sustainable for me to go this far, this fast. I literally went from recording and editing two videos a week, answering a few emails here and there, crocheting and selling my items, and sometimes posting on IG stories (this was my typical work schedule for the past year or two, which was still a full-time job…but doing anything else to grow my business felt impossible because of my depression), to NOW where I’m recording and editing a few videos a week, posting on IG stories and also taking/posting pictures and recording/editing/posting reels every day or two, creating and writing a blog, starting a Cameo, working with multiple brands, dealing with my new illness, and again, three other large projects that I will tell you about soon. I basically made that switch overnight. And I LOVED being so productive. It was all so exciting to me. So I truly did not think that I would get burnt out. I honestly and truthfully thought that it was a sustainable lifestyle. But again, I was wrong, and that’s okay. I’m glad that I pushed myself, and I’m glad that I’m aware of the things I can change to make this more sustainable, and to slowly ease myself back up to where I want to be.
So right now, it’s 8:19pm. I am going to “log out” of work for the day. I am a huge believer in pushing ourselves to be who God wants us to be, and to not give in to laziness or society’s definition of normal, and not make excuses to not work hard. But let’s always remember that God also wants us to rest and to pray and to take care of ourselves, too. That is not an excuse, it is reality. I am working on finding that balance for me, and I truly hope that you find out what that balance is for you, too.
Goodnight and God bless. <3